Friday, November 18, 2005

More emails offering me money

It turns out that not only Kofi Annan wants to give me a big pile of money, but a certain Jennifer Wilson does too! Kofi, of course, wants me to do some "management" for 10 per cent of some gazillion dollars or something. Ms. Wilson, meanwhile, wants nothing of me except my promise that I spend the money on some charitable/humanitarian stuff, and to pray for her soul. Since I'm not much for prayer, I think maybe this latter bit will be tough. But for 1.5 million dollars, I think I'd join Scientology. Or the Backstreet Boys.

Here is a copy of that email:

Jenny Wilson Thu, Nov 17, 2005 at 4:03 AM
Reply-To: Jenny Wilson
To: peterjaworski-at-gmail-dot-com


This offer might be strange, but is the wish of a dying 68 years old woman who now realizes belatedly that there is more to life than mere acquisition of cash{money} and fame. My name is Mrs. Jennifer Wilson a widow. My late husband and I perhaps due to our aristocratic background and bad influences lived and never cared for nobody or whose ox was gored, our motto was be rich and famous and the world will be at your feet. I am diabetic and recently diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. The report is obviously not good, several chemotherapy treatments have not helped either and the obvious fact is that I have few days/weeks more on planet earth.

Being childless couple, I inherited all my husband wealth and our relations are no good, as they are waiting patiently for my death to use all our money for illicit and obscene business/things. Before my health deteriorated that I am completely dependant on them for basic necessities I have done charitable ventures within our neighborhoods and beyond and this angered them as they wish to reap from where they did not sow.

Having come to the realizations of what life is all about-caring for others. I have given legal consent and full authority to my attorney-Barrister Dean J. Cooper of Springfield Consultants to immediately disbursed all the money to people/charitable homes and the choice of beneficiaries was done by sampling.Your name was luckily picked and I have willed the sum of US$1,500,000.00{One Million, Five Hundred thousand U.S. Dollars}only to you.

This money should be used STRICTLY for humanitarian/charitable cause. Contact my lawyer immediately who will guide you on the modalities for the collection of this money. His e-mail address is Please quote my personal reference number for ease of collection-law/chamber/solicitors/je/ws/WILL/9834520012 when reaching him by mail.

I plead with you never to deviate from this agreement and I beg of you to pray that my soul rest in peace.


Jennifer Wilson.
Now don't any of you try to muscle in on my action by emailing this Dean Cooper guy yourself, citing the personal reference number, and pretending you're me. I'm sure they'll do genetic DNA testing, fingerprint scans, and bio readings to make absolutely certain that it's me, and not some sort of scam artist.

I'm not clear, however, on what "the modalities of collecting the money" might possibly mean, but it sounds like big legal stuff and so must be true.

I'm also not entirely clear on how she could be a childless couple, have inherited all her husbands wealth, but is now concerned about the "illicit and obscene business/things" some other people will do with the money that, I guess, they would have inherited were it not for me. She says that her relations are no good, but it isn't clear whether those bad relations are with her husband, whose wealth she inherited (so has he passed on, or what?), or with her children, who do not exist since she is childless couple (sic), or with, well, whom?

If you can help clear this up, I'll throw a hundred bucks out of that inheritance your way. Oh, I'm feeling generous, I'll throw a couple thousand your way if you help. Maybe ten thousand. Provided, of course, you spend it only on charitable/humanitarian things and not illicit or obscene business/things ("things" here may mean anything, so just be sure that whatever you spend your money on falls squarely within the humanitarian/charitable category).

And if you're an investment banker, can you help me with all this money I'm about to receive? My suspicion is that I'll probably hear from someone in Nigeria offering a special business transaction some time real soon (don't ask me how I could possibly know this, just know that I know, and I'll post the email up here for proof of my abilities just as soon as I get it).


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